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Tino Tonitini Visits The Haunted Mansion/Transcript
This is the script for Tino Visits The Haunted Mansion. Opening Scene Aah! It's love, isn't it? Sometimes you walk into a house and you take one look around,|and you know. And you say, "This is for me. " Oh, I think it's perfect. It's just what|we've been looking for. There aren't enough plugs. Hey, wait, Mr. Coleman, now. That place I showed you|on Sycamore Street was absolutely,|positively loaded with plugs. That's right.|There were plenty. But the steps were too high. When we get older,|we could trip. Every house we look at|you find something to pick at. I just know what I like. Would you like a divorce?|'Cause I'll bring it. Hey, hey, hey, hey.|No need for that. I'm gonna find|this house for you. I am committed to finding|the perfect house for you. I don't care how long it takes. Because at Evers & Evers, we want you to be happy|forevers and evers. Oh, excuse me one second.|Let me take this call. Sorry.|I'm so sorry. Hello. Evers & Evers|Real Estate. Jim Evers. Hey, honey. How's it going?|Do they like the house? Yes, this house is|still available. Oh, I knew it. I told you they were|lookie-lous. It's another interested party. Listen, I'm on my way home|to get ready for dinner. I'm looking forward to tonight. Well, are you preapproved? Yeah, the reservation's at 7:00,|so don't be late. Okay.|Well, 7:00 is perfect. Let's get together at 7:00,|and we'll go over your offer. Okay, honey.|I'll see you later. See what you did? We love the house. We do.|We love it. Well, then, Mrs. Coleman. Taking that into consideration, there's only one thing|left to do. Let's sign some papers. - Hey.|- Hey. Lorraine and Gary. Just like I promised,|here's the offer. Signed, sealed, and delivered. Thank you.|Thank you so much. We are so grateful. This is a cause for celebration.|Let us buy you a drink. Oh, no, really, I can't.|My wife's waiting for me. This is such a big deal for us.|We have to celebrate. - I really can't. I'm late.|- We insist. Please. Okay. One quick drink.|Okay. One quick one. Sir, can I have a ginger ale|over here, please? Oh, no.|That's not a drink. Sammy, three Volcanoes. - Oh, no. No volcanoes.|- They're incredibly smooth. Oh, we love it here. We've been coming here|for years. - It's like Hawaii.|- Yes. We spent our honeymoon there. It was fantastic.|Have you been? - No, never been there.|- Promise me you'll go. Promise. I'll go if you sign.|I will go to Hawaii if you sign. But I got to get going because|it's my anniversary tonight. Your anniversary?|Happy anniversary! Thank you.|Sign that thing here. # Happy anniversary # # Happy anniversary,|happy anniversary # # Happy anniversary # # Happy, happy, happy, happy # Hey, sign this! Okay, Jim. - Sorry about that.|- No. It's been a pleasure|doing business with you. Aloha. Okay.|Bye-bye. Oh, excuse me.|Did I hear you correctly? Did you just sell their house? I sure did. 'Cause we're looking to buy. Honey, forgive me. Well, I'm Jim Evers|of Evers & Evers Real Estate. Tell me about your dream house. Hi, Sara.|My name's Teddy. Your husband told me to tell you|he loves you very much, but sometimes he loses track|of the time. I'm sorry I'm late. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Yes. Look at what he brought you. Look at that.|Isn't that pretty? Oh, you know, you have|a wonderful husband that thinks about you like that|on your anniversaries. You're so fortunate! It's beautiful. It's actually Teddy's fault|that I'm late. He had a little accident|in the backseat, cotton all over the place,|but I cleaned it up. It's okay.|I forgive Teddy. Hey, come on, Sara.|Don't be like that. I'm on a roll here.|We sold seven houses this month. What about|the three soccer games, two birthday parties,|and barbecue you missed? Did I miss that much stuff|this month? Okay. We're gonna take off|this weekend. What? We're gonna take off|and go down to the lake like we did last year with|the kids for the whole weekend. - How's that sound?|- Can we really close on this? Yes. How about this?|We can close on this. How about this? Close on that.|Let me go tell the kids. All right?|Okay. All right. Megan and Michael,|big family adventure! Hey!|Michael Jordan Evers! Aah! Aah! Hey!|Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Dad! There's a...|- What is it? - There's a spider in my room!|- There's a what? There's a spider in my room|on the window. Why don't you kill it, man? That's a big spider! Come on.|It's just a spider, Michael. How big could it be?|What is this? Where's the spider at? What? Man, you're acting|like it's Mothra. It's just a spider. You're making a big deal|out of nothing, Michael. You're 10 years old. It's time I teach you how to|kill a spider the right way. The most efficient way|to crush a spider. You got to get a good magazine.|Doesn't matter what you use. Some people like to use "Life"|or "Time" or... This is my "Sports lllustrated"|Swimsuit Edition. What are you doing with it? - I don't know.|- Yeah, right. If you can look at this,|you should have enough courage to kill a spider the right way. So I'm gonna roll this up|so you get a good grip on it. You get a bead on the spider.|You get a side swing. That's where you can really get|some good action going. You want to come across like|that so you really crush it. You come across this way so|you get his whole escape route in case he try to go... You take it, and you whack it. Go on.|Whack the spider. I don't want to whack it. Come on, you got to whack|the spider, Mike. Whack it. Dad, I'm afraid of spiders.|I can't whack it. Let me explain something to you. All your life you're gonna be|facing spiders, okay? I am? What I'm trying to say is|you should never be afraid. People know,|they use that against you. I'm not scared of anything.|I'm your dad, right? You're my son.|You whack that spider. I can't whack the spider, Dad. Come on. Whack it.|You can do it. Whack the spider. - I don't want to whack it.|- Yes, you can. Come on. Kill the spider.|Kill the spider. Dad, I can't crush it.|I can't whack it! Hey. There.|Happy? No, I'm not happy, Megan. I was trying to make a point about how it's important|to whack your own spiders! Whatever. Mm-hmm. Past the Old Miller Road. Okay. Great. It is an old home, Ms. Evers. And my employer is anxious|to move on. Would it be possible|for you to come alone to discuss the situation? But my husband and I work|as a team. The master usually|does not take visitors. However, from your photograph, he thought you to have|a trustworthy face. About your husband,|he felt differently. Oh.|You got our flyer. The master had wished|to meet you tomorrow evening. Oh, I'm so sorry. But tomorrow I've got plans|that can't be broken. Who is that? - Excuse me a second.|- Who is that? Just someone calling|about repping a house. What's the address?|Where is it? Sara, do you know|where this place is? The places up here are big|multimillion-dollar mansions. This could be big. And what about|our big family adventure? It's just a little detour. How long is it gonna take? No more than 20 minutes.|20 minutes tops. You kids should be excited. You're gonna see Mommy and Daddy|in real-estate action. Somebody's calling me.|Who's calling me? Hello. Jim Evers,|Evers & Evers Real Estate. Stan, how you doing?|What's the latest? Really?|The Selmer property? Tomorrow? Wow. I'm kind of out of town|right now. Hey. But, hey, listen.|Maybe I could come back early. Oh, no.|I can't come back early. No, I can't come back early. Maybe we should just take care|of this on Monday. All right? Monday? Monday sounds fantastic. Okay.|I'll talk to you on Monday. We're gonna talk on Monday. Are we still in America? Here it is, right here.|Okay? All right? Yeah, that's a whole lot|of gate. They must have a big|possum problem down here. That's some big possum. Didn't they know we were coming? Of course they knew. Maybe there's a call box|or something. Hello?! Hello!|The Evers are here! Yes, we're here now! Nobody's answering. Now I got to get out in the dirt|with my brand-new shoes on. Wow. How are we gonna get in? What if you give me a boost,|and I'll go around the back? They're probably old.|We'll surprise them. You'll probably kill them. Let's just go.|It's getting late. You know, Sara,|you give up too easy. You got to be more patient.|The Evers way is to be patient. All right.|We're in business. Let's go, let's go. Let's do this. Wow. Bob Vila would have|a field day with this place. Hey, Megan,|don't slam the door like that. It's very sensitive. It's a car, Dad. Ah!|It's not just a car. It's a very delicate piece|of machinery. Shh. She didn't mean|what she just said. She didn't mean that. Come on.|Let's see what's around back. I'm getting hungry. Me too. Don't worry.|We'll be 20 minutes tops. Hey, Dad,|when we get to the lake, can I go to that pizza shop|where I ate that whole pizza, and when we got to the cabin, I threw up and you still saw|the pepperoni chunks in it? Yeah, we can go there if we can|avoid a repeat performance. Wow. Now, that's something|you don't see every day. Oh, my God. Dead people? Hey, honey. You know they have, uh,|dead people in the backyard? Well, some people have pools. Some people have private|cemeteries. It happens. You're gonna sell a house|with this? This historical sprawling manor|with spacious grounds? Yes. Hey, that's good.|We'll put that on the listing. And leave out|all the dead people? We'll just stick|to the bright side. Oh, no.|I got my good suit on. Oh. You think it's gonna stop? Oh, I hope it's not raining|at the lake. When you're at work|with Mommy and Daddy, you're always on|your best behavior, right? Okay.|Whoo! Look at the size|of these knockers. Ever see anything|like that before? Hello?!|Evers Real Estate! Evers Real Estate! Hello? Is anybody home? Hello? We're the Evers from|Evers & Evers Real Estate. Hi! Have you ever seen|anything like this? Never. Sara, this puts us|in a whole new league. Smells like Grandma's house. Worse.|Smells like Grandma. This place is just|a little dusty. We'll get a cleaning crew to|come out here and shine it up. This place would be sparkling|from top to bottom. Mom, this place has spiders. Sara Evers. Yes, I'm Sara. My name is Ramsley. Hello, Ramsley. I'm Jim Evers|of Evers & Evers Real Estate at your service. We were not expecting... others. Yes, we were on our way|out of town. Yeah, then when we realized|the enormity and complexity|of your unique estate, we wanted to commit|the full resources of Evers & Evers Real Estate. At Evers & Evers, we want you|to be happy forevers and evers. Please accept|this waterproof calendar as a token of our appreciation. Very well. We shall have to place|other settings. Who do you have|the settings for? Master Gracey wishes to discuss|his affairs over dinner. Oh, I'm afraid we have plans. Honey, we can't stay for dinner. Oh, yes.|But we mustn't be rude, darling. What about our family adventure? Yeah, Dad. We'll just have some soup,|and then we'll get going, okay? All right? Wow. Wow. Nice.|Very nice. Good job.|Good job. Hey, Megan, how'd you like to|eat like this every day at home? The master will be|with you shortly. Carry on. I said, "Carry on. "|He walks off. Have you ever seen|a fireplace this amazing? Incredible. Ah, we could have one heck of a|wienie roast in that thing, huh? Seriously.|Look at this detail. I've never seen|anything like this. - Haven't you? My grandfather spared no expense|when he built this mansion. Well, your grandfather had|really good taste in tchotchkes. I'm Jim Evers|of Evers & Evers Real Estate. Charmed to make|your acquaintance, sir. Edward.|Edward Gracey. Uh, this is my wife, Sara. You want to come meet|Mr. Gracey? Very nice to meet you,|Mr. Gracey. And this is our daughter, Megan,|and our son, Michael. You have very beautiful|children, Ms. Evers. I kicked in|some chromosomes, too. Children.|Madam. Oh. Nice. Okay. Thank you. The master was very pleased when he heard you could come|on such short notice. Normally we would not have|called you here so abruptly. But we had no other choice. What do you got,|termites or something? Big house like this must have|a lot of termites. No. But lately there have been|more... disturbances. What do you think|of the house, Ms. Evers? Oh. I think it's|absolutely incredible. The Italian influence. The Renaissance style|of the molding. The attention to detail|is stunning. You never see houses like this.|Or at least I don't. Great care and love went into|the building of this mansion. This house is my inheritance. My birthright. But lately it's become|too much to bear. Tell me, Mr. Evers. Do you believe in ghosts? Ghosts? Yeah. Sure.|I believe in ghosts. Yeah. I don't think it's a good idea|to put that on the listing. You should talk about how many|bathrooms are in the house. People love bathrooms. We should play up the toilet|angle and leave out ghosts. I think that'd be best. The storm has swollen the river. How's that? The storm has flooded the road. I'm afraid there will be|no leaving the mansion tonight. What? Of course you are all more than|welcome to spend the night here. Oh, no.|I really don't think we should. We've got plans. I'm afraid there's no other way. Ramsley will show you|to your rooms. I believe the children will be|comfortable in this room. Yeah.|Real homey. You'll be fine. Wow.|Hey, listen. When you flush the toilet, check|and see how quickly it refills. Good night, Dad. Good night. I hope you and the madame will|find this room to your liking. Yeah.|It's great. It'll be like spending the night|in a fine hotel. Will there be anything else|that you require, sir? Are you gonna get us|some chocolates? Pardon? You know, the little chocolates|they put on the hotel pillows. Sometimes they have chocolates|on the pillow. They have little chocolates|on the pillows... to have. What's the problem? In the first place, we weren't even supposed to|be here. We were supposed to be|at the lake. What am I supposed to do,|control the weather now, Sara? That's not the point. You couldn't resist.|You just had to come. Excuse me. This is a big|opportunity for all of us. Not for us, for you. The only thing you seem to care|about anymore is work. Oh, but when I'm working hard,|it doesn't matter as long as I'm bringing you|home expensive gifts, right? Hey, what are you...|Hey, Sara. Hey, Sara, I didn't|mean to say that, okay? Sara. Come on.|Stop it. Sara.|Sara. I'm sorry about that, honey.|Can you open up, please? Aah!|Ooh. You scared me. - Pardon the intrusion, sir.|- Yes. The master was wondering|if he might have a word with you in the library. A word? Okay. I'd love to have|a word with him. Sure.|Let's go talk some turkey. Yes. Turkey. - Very good, sir.|- Yeah. If you will kindly follow me. Yeah. Of course.|Of course. Hey, Sara, I'm gonna have a word|with Mr. Gracey. I'll be back in a minute. Ramsley, I was just wondering. Have you ever been|to a tanning salon? I've got a friend who's got|a really great place. You can get a really smooth tan. Do something about|that ashy white look. I'm sure the ladies|would love it. Yes.|Sounds wonderful. Would you care for a drink, sir,|while you're waiting? Yeah. Don't mind if I do.|Thank you, Ramsley. Oh, wow! Now, that's class.|That's what I need to do. Get a big picture of myself|to put on the living room wall. Adds a touch of elegance|to the room. Yes, sir.|Very elegant. Thank you.|Thank you so much, Ramsley. Mmm. So, Ramsley, how long|you been a butler? A long time. What are the most|important qualifications in case I might be doing|some interviewing? Attending to every detail. Understanding priorities. And above all,|knowing one's place. What does your boss like to do?|What's he into? You know, what floats his boat? The master likes|a great many things. Art, literature, beauty. And all that stuff about ghosts. Did he get, like, a bad clam|in his jambalaya one night? You don't believe|in ghosts, sir? Absolutely not.|Let me tell you something. The way I see it, you only go|around the track once. So you do it full-out|all the way around. Mr. Evers, may I confide in you? Please do. The master is not well. He must leave this house,|Mr. Evers. He must move on. It is of the gravest importance,|I assure you. Or I fear the very worst. I can't believe this. Still no reception. We had to take|that little detour. 20 minutes tops.|Yeah, right. Do you think it's gonna stop|raining soon? How should I know?|I'm not the weatherman. Hmm. Stogies. Not bad. Not at all.|Hold onto that. Hmm.|Hmm. Wonderful. Must be nice.|Must be really nice. I tell ya. Ahh. Hmm. Hello there, good man. Ramsley,|fix the gentleman a drink. Nigel, I just recently returned|from the Continent, where I found|the most interesting book. Yes, it was called|"Raising the Dead. " Oh! Oh, cripes. Oh.|I hope that doesn't stain. Oh. Wow. Interesting. Wow. Wow.|I wonder where this leads to. Hey! Hey, open this back up! Hey, open up! Ramsley! Ramsley! Push back the head! Hey, will somebody push|the head back? Megan! What do you think it is? It's a ghost ball. I think it wants us|to follow it. I think you're crazy. It does.|It wants us to follow it. Hey, Megan, wait up! Where's that scary albino|when you need him? Oh.|Hello. Have you seen my husband? Excuse me. Wait! Wait! Oh, Ramsley.|It's you. May I help you? Yes. I was just looking|for my husband. Ah, indeed. I left him in the library. Right through there. Honey, it's late.|Let's not fight anymore. Come to bed? Oh!|I'm sorry. I thought you were my husband. Can I help you with that? Ramsley hates it|when I leave things lying about. Yes.|He seems a bit proper. He strikes most people that way. Once you get to know him,|you'll find that's not the case. But he's really... He's really very sweet. Thank you. He's been like a father to me. Mr. Gracey,|may I ask you something? Yes. Of course.|Anything. This house. It's been in your family|for generations. It's your home. Why do you want to sell it? These walls are filled|with so many memories. Some of them painful. I think for you to understand,|I really must show you. It's all right.|There's nothing to be afraid of. Although it might be|a bit worn and faded from its original grandeur, this house was once filled|with so many things. So much life. With grand parties, dancing,|laughter, and, above all, hope. Being a Gracey meant|that you were denied nothing. The world was yours. What happened here, Mr. Gracey? She did. Who? Elizabeth. Hers is the story|that haunts these walls. Come on. Megan, wait. You don't know the last time|that thing's been inspected. Would you just relax?|Where's your sense of adventure? This is against|all my better judgment. Hi! Is anyone home? Those must be termites. Some dumbest termites.|That's all. Hello? - Oh! Oh. Aah! Aah! Megan! Mom. What are you doing here?|You're not supposed to be here! This is unspeakable!|Unspeakable! You have to leave! - Who is that?|- That's none of your business. Now, come on. Get out of here.|It's way past your bedtime. Her name was Elizabeth. Are you kids hungry?|Does anybody want a cookie? Cookies?! Don't offer them cookies!|They're trespassers! Trespassers don't get cookies! This is none of their concern. It is their concern!|They're involved! Hide! Hide! The children are not|in their room. Have you seen them? Children?|What children? What children? Her children. The children|she wasn't supposed to bring. Along with that brainless|husband of hers. Thank you. If I had to listen|to another word from that insufferable fool,|I think I would have burst. Of course, sir.|What a fool! Did I not tell her|to come alone? Is it really too much to ask|for a little cooperation? A little order? Of course not, sir. If you find the children,|bring them to me. - Certainly, sir.|- Yes, sir. The final arrangements|have been made. Nothing further will interfere|with the master's plan. Thank God I heard your voice.|I lost my way. I don't know how to get out|of here. I'm sorry if I sound|a little frazzled. I just had myself|a little freak show back there. It's time to respond. I was supposed to meet|with Mr. Gracey. But I got stuck in the wall. Goblins and ghoulies|from last Halloween, awaken the spirits|with your tambourine. Okay, I hear you, but I don't|see you. Where are you? I am Madame Leota, seer of all,|voice to the spirits. Whom do you seek? Hey! Hey! Hey, let me out of here! Silence!|Whom do you seek? I am seeking a way out of here. Then you must look within. I don't want to look within.|I want to look without. There is great evil|in this house. A devil's curse.|It seeks to destroy you. Why would something seek|to destroy me? I'm just here to sell the house. Dark spirits from the grave,|come forth. Lift us from the black|and show us. Show us the way back. Dark spirits?|Hey, no dark spirits. Don't you make no dark spirits|come out. Lift us.|Lift us up to the light. And lead us through|this stormy night. Hey, hey, hey.|Hey! Hey, I'd really like to stay|on the ground. I'd rather stay on the ground.|Can I stay on the ground? Evil and darkness have fallen|this night. But now to survive,|you must gain new sight. I must first gain new underwear. Only the light will lead|the way. Follow it and find|your way home. There's no place like home.|There's no place like home. Go, Mr. Evers.|Your family is at stake. Your very life is at stake.|Break the curse. There is no escape for you|unless you lift this spell. Go.|Save yourself. Save your family. Release her.|Release us all! I'm getting so queasy.|I'm getting very queasy. Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh! - Dad!|- Dad! Hey!|Michael and Megan, you okay? We're fine, thanks. Get your things.|Let's get out of here. We have a problem. Because of the rain?|We're gonna get a little wet. Let's just find your mom|and get out of here. I'm afraid that's not possible.|She can't leave. And why not? Because she can't! If I could tell you, I would.|But I can't, so I won't, okay? Hey, how'd you... Hey, look.|Come on. Daddy's having|more hallucinations. Let's go. - They're ghosts, Dad.|- They're not ghosts. We're just having hallucinations|from that dinner we ate. It was that chicken.|It didn't taste right. - Oh!|- It's not the chicken! All right. It's not the chicken.|But we're getting out of here. But we have to help them. You can't help the dead, honey.|They're beyond help. The man's talking sense. Everyone should keep their noses|in their own business. But we have to help them|break the curse. Why is everybody talking|about a curse? Have you been talking|to that crazy green gypsy in the giant paperweight? We've got to go back to see her. - No back. I'm not going back.|- But, Dad! They had me floating|all around the room. Hey, I was strapped to a chair, floating around the room|with a marching band chasing me. I'm not going back anywhere!|Forget it, Casper! But Mom's in trouble. What kind of trouble? She died here in this house. She was so very young. So very beautiful. She was in love with the heir|to this mansion. Your grandfather. And he loved her|more than life itself. But they were from different|worlds and couldn't be together. How did she die, Mr. Gracey? She took her own life. Poison. After that,|his life became unbearable. And so, without hope,|without love, without Elizabeth, he hung himself. His soul wanders these halls,|waiting for her to return. If you listen carefully, you can still hear the beating|of his broken heart. Wait a minute.|Hold it a second. You're telling me|this guy is dead and the reason|we were brought here is he wants to try to get jiggy|with my wife? Pretty much.|Are you upset? The guy is dead, and he's|trying to get with my wife! And the house isn't really|for sale! Yes, I'm upset! Oh, Madame Leota, is it her? Is she truly our dear, departed|Elizabeth come back to us? It is true.|She walks these halls. You see?|I told you it is her! But do not be deceived. All things are not|as they appear. For the curse to be lifted,|the truth must be known. And for the truth to be known,|you must find the key. What are you talking about,|ball lady? What key? Enter the tomb|under the great dead oak and travel down deep|under the ground. And there you will find the key|that must be found. Find the black crypt|that bears no name, or soon your fate will be|the same. You're telling me all I have to|do is find this key, then I'm gonna walk out of here|with my wife and kids? The key is the answer to all. Well, great. I'm in.|Let's get this key. There's only one problem. How do we get out of here? Yeah, how do we get out of here? Well, there's always, uh,|my way. Hey! I thought you said|you could drive this thing! Don't you worry.|I know exactly what I'm doing. - Aah!|- Aah! Well, you better just keep|your eyes on the road! - Move over!|- What are you doing? If you keep driving,|you'll kill us all! That's where you're wrong. Because some of us|are already dead! Dad, look. Ready?|Fire! Dad? Yes, son? I see dead people. Excuse me. Why are all these ghosts|still hanging around here? When they died,|they couldn't find the light. And now... Now they're trapped. Doomed to wander the Earth|for all eternity. Nice.|Nice job. Whoa! Okay. Hey! Hey, what are you doing here? Can they see us? No.|Of course not. Yes, I can. I'm looking at you|right now in your stupid hat. Don't listen to him.|He's lying. Whatever. Come on, kids.|Let's go. Come on. I could swear he was looking|right at me. He's psychic. This was to have been|her wedding dress. Oh, it's lovely. It would have been lovelier if|she'd had a chance to wear it. Now it serves|only as a dark reminder of what could have been. To love someone so much|and then lose them so suddenly. I can't imagine how awful|that must be. If you truly love someone,|they never leave you. They remain in your heart|forever. Isn't that romantic? He was willing to throw|everything away for love. Well, now he's broke, dead,|and cursed. Nice move. - Oh, crap! These are my new shoes. Hey, kids, watch your step. - Oh, crap! Hey, Michael, don't say "crap. " All right.|Where is this place? Okay, where are we? I think the gypsy lady|said something about making a left at an oak. Okay.|Well, glad she was so specific. What is that?|Do you hear that? - Yeah.|- Yeah. # And harmonize # # When we ghosts come out|to socialize # # Doom, doom, doom, doom # # When the cryptos creak|and the tombstones quake # # Spooks come out|for a swinging wake # Excuse me.|Sorry to bother you. But we were wondering|if you happen to know where the mausoleum was. # Down by the # # Old mill stream # # Where I first met you # No, no. I think they said|it was an old oak. That's what they said.|It's by the... # By the light # # By the light,|by the light # # Of the silvery moon # Yeah. You sound really good.|Your harmony's tight. But we're trying to find|my wife. She'll be... # Comin' 'round the mountain|when she comes # # She'll be comin' 'round|the mountain... # Listen, guys.|I'm trying to find a key. I'm trying to find a key... # Where's the key?|Where's the key? # # Where's the beautiful key? # # Find the key, find the key # # Oh, how happy you'll be # The key that I'm trying to find|is in the mausoleum. The key is in the mausoleum. # You left your key # # In a mausoleum # # Down in Dixie # Dad, there it is! - # Dad, there it is #|- Thanks. - # Dad, there it is #|- Thanks for nothing. Okay.|We made it. All right, kids.|Stay close. Hey. Look. It's a warning. Now, how do you know that? I studied Latin|for three years, Dad. You thought it was dumb,|remember? You said it was a dead language. Oh, we see how wrong I was|about that. "Beware all who enter. Here lies the passage|to the dead. " Hey! Hey, hey, hey!|Where are you going? - I don't like Latin.|- Hey, wait. Michael. You're 10 years old now.|You got to start being a man. I just turned 10.|I'm still getting used to it. Okay.|Here's what we do. Megan, stay here|with your brother. What? I'm not gonna leave him|out here by himself. You guys stay together. I'll go in here,|and I'll take care of this. Okay. All right. Okay. Oh. Wow. Okay. All right. Okay.|I'll be right back. 20 minutes tops, right? 20 minutes tops. What was it that gypsy|told me to look for? Look for a crypt with... Look for a crypt... - A crypt without a name.|- Aah! Oh!|What's the matter with you? You can't just be popping out|like that. I thought I told you|to wait with Michael. I was worried|you wouldn't find it. Besides, Michael's fine. She said, "Find the black crypt|with no name, or soon your fate will be|the same. " That must be it. Good hunch, Dad. I'm officially starting|to get sick of this place. And we're here 'cause of who? Because I take seriously my|responsibility as breadwinner. I want you guys to have|everything I never had before. I didn't know you had|a bad childhood. I didn't have a bad childhood. Then why do we have to have|what you didn't have? Because... Hey, don't be tricking me, you little Latin-speaking|13-year-old. Let's just get this over with.|Hold this. Hold it with two hands, now. Aah! Phew! Oh, man. Excuse me one second. I'm sorry to bother you. Oh! Aah. Ugh. Oh, no.|Ew. Aah. Okay.|All right. Now, that wasn't hard, was it? Let's get out of here. That gypsy had me thinking|it was gonna be hard. - That was easy. Oh! Oh! Oh, no. Oh! Oh, no! Go get the key!|I'll take care of him! Hey, man, go on back to bed.|Get back in your bed. Go back to bed. I'm Jim Evers|of Evers & Evers Real Estate. Hey, look,|I don't want no trouble, man. The gypsy told me it was|all right to get the key, so - Oh! Just lighten up.|Now, let me tell you something. I got to get my wife.|I don't want no trouble. Seriously, back up! You asked for it. Next time you're gonna|think twice before coming back|from the dead, ain't you? - Did you get the key?|- I'm looking! I'm looking! Take your time. Relax.|I have everything under control. I have everything|completely under control. Megan, you better look faster! Oh, I don't want to do this. Jeez. Aah! - Aah! Give me your hand. Okay.|Come on, come on, come on! Come on, guys!|Hurry up! Hold on! Come on, guys!|Hurry up! Michael!|Michael, open the door. Michael, it's locked|from the outside! Michael, open the door.|Open the door. Michael! Dad, there's spiders everywhere,|and I don't have a magazine. - Hey, Michael, are you scared?|- Uh-huh. Michael, it's okay to be scared.|Everybody gets scared sometimes. - Daddy's scared right now.|- You are? Yes, I'm very scared.|Now, please open the door, son! Michael, open the door,|or I'll kill you! That's great.|Keep him calm. Hey, Michael, listen,|it's okay to get scared. Everybody gets scared|now and then. You just can't let it stop you. Michael, if you think|you're scared now, wait till the zombies come out! What zombies? Michael!|Hey, Michael, look. Just open the door.|Please, man. Open the door right now. Dad, they're coming! Michael, open the door|right now! Open the door!|Open the door! Open the door right now!|Open the door! Oh! Aah! Lock it! Lock it! Okay.|Come on! All right. Okay. All right.|Get 'em off! Okay. Come on.|Get 'em off. Okay. All right. We got it.|All right. You okay? Okay. My brave little man.|All right. All right.|You okay? Yeah.|You got the key? Oh, no. Wait. Whoa.|Yeah, I got it. I got it. There it is.|Okay. All right. Now, we went to hell and back|to get this thing. Where's the door out of here? First, you must find the trunk. Trunk? Yes, trunk. Not door? No. Not door.|Trunk. All you said I had to do was|find this key! I got the key. Now you're telling me this story|about a trunk! The key is the answer to all,|remember? Look, I don't make the rules.|I just work here. Okay. That's it.|That's the last straw. I've had enough|of this nonsense. Hey, what are you doing?!|Put me down! This is bad luck!|This is very bad luck! I'll show you bad luck.|I'm tired of playing around. I'm getting nauseous! You'll get over it. Please don't drop me. I'm fragile.|I'm very fragile. Don't talk to me|about being fragile. I'm the one that's feeling|fragile right now. Is that it? - That's it.|- Hmm. All right. Now we're in business. Hey, hold her for a second. All right.|Okay. Okay. How do I know what to look for?|This thing is full of junk. Find the thing that must be read lest your heart be filled|with dread. There's nothing in here red. Hey, wait a minute.|There's a letter here. It's a letter. "Yes, my dear heart,|I will marry you. I will love you|for all eternity. And tonight at last,|we will be together. I do. Forever yours, Elizabeth. " She didn't kill herself. She wanted to be with him. Yeah, and somebody gave him|the wrong letter. Yes.|Well done, Mr. Evers. I must say I'm impressed. You are more persistent|than I would have ever imagined. The butler did it?|You got to be kidding me. I will deal with you two later. Why'd you kill her? Because the master|would not listen to reason. He had everything in the world. And yet he was willing|to throw it all away for love. I did tell him|it would end badly. You're a real cold dude. No, Mr. Evers.|I am a rational man. It was my responsibility|to the house. My duty, sir, to see to it that the boy did not make|a foolish error in judgment. Running away with that girl|would have destroyed this house. It would have destroyed|everything. And I could not stand by|and watch it all fall to ruin. Punch his face in, Dad. Yeah, but first I'm gonna tell|his master what really happened. The master must never know. Edward and his love|will be reunited, and this curse will be broken. That's not her.|That's my wife. And what she sees in you|I'll never know. But that is|of little importance now. The only thing that matters is|that the master's pain must end. And it will end tonight. The curse will be broken,|and we can all finally move on. All right. That's it, man.|Where's my wife? Getting ready for her wedding,|of course. What wedding?|He can't marry her. He's dead, and she's not. True. But that can be|easily corrected. Life, I'm afraid,|is such a delicate state. If you put one finger on|my wife, I swear I'll kill you. How wonderful.|You're going to kill a ghost. - Leave him alone!|- Stop it! - Aah!|- Aah! Let them go! You're gonna let my kids out|of here, take me to my wife, and let us out of here|right now! You want out, fine. Let me show you out. Now, for the last time,|good night, Mr. Evers. Aah! Ugh! Oh! This house has waited so long to have its shroud|of darkness lifted. And tonight, for the first time|in, oh, so many years, I believe it may be possible that the story will finally end|differently. Sara? Do you believe that love|is about second chances? About forgiveness? Yes, I do. Don't you remember? Remember? Mr. Gracey, are you all right? Don't you recognize me at all? Mr. Gracey. I thought certainly bringing you|back to Gracey Manor would help you remember. Remember what?|Mr. Gracey, you're scaring me. Where it happened. Where we spent|our last moments together. Where we danced together|for the last time before you... Before you killed yourself! But now you've returned to me. And at long last,|we can be together. Why do you not remember? You were my world, my life! And I have loved you in death|as I did in life! Let me go! Why do you not remember? You are her.|You are Elizabeth. You must be! Can you not sense it?|Search your heart. I am your one true love. And now we can finally|be together. Don't you understand? Elizabeth,|you must listen to me. I'm not Elizabeth! Please!|I implore you. Leave me alone!|Get away from me! She doesn't remember. It can't be her. It is her, sir. The gypsy woman|prophesied her return. And now the time has come. You had best get ready. But she doesn't remember. In time she will, sir. I assure you she will. Open up!|Hey! Let me in! Aah! Oh, Ramsley,|you have to help me. There's something|horribly wrong. Mr. Gracey... Yes. I know, my dear.|I know. He's expecting you. He's always been expecting you. And you haven't put on|your dress yet. We can't keep|the master waiting. Waiting?|For what? Why, your wedding, of course. My... I'm not Elizabeth! Of course you are, my dear. You may not see it yet. But in time you will. You don't actually think I'm|going through with this madness? Oh, yes.|I very much do. You see... we wouldn't want anything|to happen to the children. Now, would we? Michael!|Megan! You wouldn't. Of course not, my dear. But that is entirely up to you. If not, I really do fear|for the children. Have her ready. And this time, any further acts|of insubordination will be dealt with|in the harshest possible manner. But, sir? There are worse things|than purgatory, madam. I can assure you. Have her ready. Tears of joy. What are you doing? Hey, you leave me alone. Just get out of here|and leave me alone. Oh, I see. You're just gonna sit there,|feeling sorry for yourself. You tell me why not. This whole thing was my fault. We should've never been here|in the first place. Supposed to be at the lake. We'd be sitting by a warm fire|right now. And I made us come here. And now it's too late. No.|It's never too late. Hey, look, I tried to get in|there, and I can't, all right? I tried!|I failed! You try.|You fail. But the only true failure|is when you stop trying. What do you want me to do?|Huh? Try again. Hold on! With what? - Aah!|- Aah! Elizabeth? Yes, my love. I'll be right back. Okay.|I'll wait here. Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here|in the sight of God to join this man and this woman|in the bonds of holy matrimony. Dad!|Help us! Michael!|Megan! Wilt thou, Edward Gracey, have this woman to be|thy wedded wife, to live together|after God's ordinance in the holiest state|of matrimony? I will. And do you, Elizabeth Henshaw, take this man to be|your lawful husband, to love and cherish in death|as you did in life? I do. Whoa! Aah! From this day forward, you|shall be joined together as one for all eternity|until the very end of time. What God has joined together|let no man cast asunder. - Dad!|- Dad! If anyone has any objections... Yeah, I got a few objections! The next time I say|we're going to the lake, - we're going to the lake.|- Let's go. Get away from her. I lost her once. I don't intend|to let it happen again. This is not Elizabeth.|Ramsley, you tell him the truth. I don't know|what you're talking about. Now you got amnesia, huh? Elizabeth didn't kill herself.|He did it. He's been lying to you|all along. I'm warning you, sir. Step away. Don't think 'cause|you pull out your sword I'm gonna let you marry my wife. My patience is wearing thin. Elizabeth, please, come along. I'm not Elizabeth. You must be. Her name is Sara.|She's from New Jersey. Ramsley wants you to think|she's Elizabeth so this curse would be lifted. That is absurd. Forgive me. If you're gonna kill me,|kill me. But on the other side, I'm gonna be whipping your butt for all eternity. So maybe you should read this|before you stab somebody. - What is it?|- It's Elizabeth's letter. Her real letter.|The one she wrote. The one he stole.|You never saw it. What's the meaning of this? Must we continue to listen|to the ramblings of a lunatic? But it is written in her hand. Yeah, it's written in her hand.|Explain that, Ramsley. Well? Your union was unacceptable. I tried to warn you,|but you wouldn't listen. So you killed her. I told you it would be a mistake|to run away with that girl. But I loved her!|Was love my mistake? Yes! I tried to protect you. All these years|I've sacrificed for you. But what would you understand|of sacrifice, duty, or honor? You loved her. Well, damn you. Damn you all to hell! Aah! Aah! Aah! Jim! Aah! Aah! Aah! - Mom!|- Mom! Mom, what's wrong? Are you all right? - Mom.|- Hey! Hey, Sara.|Sara, what's the matter? Sara, what's wrong? Hey, what's the matter?|What's wrong? It's the poison! Oh, no. No.|Hey, Sara. Come on. Please.|Don't do this! Sara, don't do this.|Please. Jim... Sara! Hey! Sara.|Sara, come on. Please. Sara. Sara, I love you. Sara, please.|I love you so much. Hey, get away from us!|Leave us alone! No, Dad. It won't hurt us. Elizabeth, is that you? Yes, my love. The ghost ball was Elizabeth. The truth had to be known|for me to be released. He saved me. It was nothing. Oh, Elizabeth. Yes, my darling? I have waited so long|for this moment. And now only heaven awaits. He's not really kissing|your mom. Hey. That's my wife. Sara? Jim? I thought I lost you. Oh. I thought I lost you, too. I'm back, Sara. I'm back. Can you ever forgive me? Oh, what's to forgive?|You loved her. Here.|Take this. What is it? The deed to the house.|It's yours. Do with it what you will. Sell it, keep it. Do whatever makes you|and your family happy. And thank you. Thank you all so much. Wait! Wait for us! Hold on! What's all this? Well, I don't know|what we'll need. What are you talking about?|We're going to heaven. You can't take it with you. The hell I can't. - Oh.|- Goodbye. - Bye-bye.|- Thank you all so much. You're welcome. - Thank you.|- So long, now. Okay, little man.|All right. Hurry! Let's go! - Bye!|- Bye! Okay.|Here we go. Whoo! Bye-bye. Angels in heaven|together at last. The tale is well ended|for those who have passed. Love endures all,|no reason, no rhyme. It lasts forever|and forever all time. Mom, Leota won't shut up. - Are we there yet?|- I'm getting pretty hungry. Can we get some pizza? How long|before we get there, Sara? 20 minutes tops. Nothing takes 20 minutes. # Do, do, do, do, do, do, do|do, do, do, do, do, do, do # Hey, guys, keep it down. - # We'll keep it down #|- # We'll keep it down # # Oh, yes, we will,|we'll keep it down # # Oh, we're drivin'|down the highway # # Yeah! # # And we're tryin' to|keep it down # Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-haunted-mansion Category:Sonic876 Category:Transcripts